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So he skins his animals in the back room!

Where to begin? Today was CRAZY. Woke up at 7AM, got ready for work, wore my most favorite jeans. You ladies out there with no butts will understand: these jeans are the best optical illusion around. Confession, I have NO BUTT. So little that I swear I’ll be wearing suspenders daily by the time I’m 30. But these jeans? They make me think, “Wow. I might just have a handful or two there after all.”

Get to work, and DRAMA ensues. Boss stayed until 4AM doing things: decorating for Christmas and organizing but nothing was COMPLETE. Just all half done, tables were covered in junk, ladder was out in the middle of the studio, pieces weer scattered everywhere. I almost died the minute I turned my key.

Go to clock in and find a note, “Black box blinking and beeping. Please fix!” What? What black box? What does it do? How am I suppose to fix this? Okay. Think. Maybe it’s the router, call Best Buy, Office Max and Comp USA. All quote me at $150, and I have $250 for the entire week. Not going to work. Call small computer store, YES! They have the two batteries I need for $47. Promise to be there in 30 minutes.

Drive across town one way to cash check at my own bank, no way am I paying the $5 service fee. Drive back across town and find small computer store. Walk in, SHOCKED. The place was a mess! It didn’t look like any type of computer store, maybe one of those garages you see on Dr. Phil when he has the hoarders on. Find register, look around, and surprise! There are rattlesnake skins hanging everywhere. I kid you not, huge, dead, scaly rattlesnake skins all over the place. I seriously felt like I had walked in to the twilight zone, but for a $100 savings, I wasn’t going to leave with out my batteries.

Get rung up, and delicately ask about rattle snake skins. The lady ringing me up was so excited I asked, “Oh! John LOVES to hunt, so he skins his animals in the back room!” WHAT!? Are you kidding me? What kind of computer store is this? What an idea for a business though, right? “We’ll fix your computer AND skin your dead animals! All in under an hour!”

She asks if I want to see the other skins he has. Sure! I follow her into the back room, stepping over gloves, wires, and scissors the whole way. I must have gasped when I saw the animals, I swear to you, there was a three foot tall pile of dead animal pelts pushed up against the wall. “Yeah!” she exclaimed, “Look at these!”

She starts rummaging through all of the furs naming off all of his kills, “Oh, here’s a squirrel, a rabbit! Here’s a fox and a bob cat! This one was horrible to skin, so stringy.” Okay, pretend to be entertained, and even touch the fox tails when she offers. Leave in a hurry.

Back at the studio, phone ringing off the hook. “Hi! This is the delivery company sending out your shipment today, and just to let you know it’s going to be a total of $238.12 for the overnight shipping.” No, it is not. I bought over a $1000, free shipping. “Oh, really? Well, I have no record of that.” Politely give her number to corporate office to check for herself.

Feel like my head is going to explode. We opened an hour ago and the place looks so disheveled, I want to hyperventilate. Start to work, computer guy shows up to install batteries. Yes! Start helping kiln boy load pieces, computer guy comes back.

“I have good news, and bad news. Which do you want first?” Bad, please. “Well, turns out you guys weren’t even using the black box! Hahaha! It wasn’t even plugged in to anything.” Awesome, I’m so glad I drove across town twice to get said batteries. What’s the good news? “You got the right batteries!”

Delivery man shows up, palette of boxes and no one to help me unpack. Asks for check, no check. “I just got off the phone with Betty, you can call her. I am not paying a delivery fee today.” “You have to, or I can’t release this order.” Say no, argue a little bit, he calls Betty.

Back to helping kiln boy while he talks to Betty. Surprise! I’m right. Yeah, thanks, I already know, stack the boxes in the corner. Call three girls, seeing if anyone can come in and help. Have a slight panic attack. No one. Okay, do this alone.

I spent the next four hours up and down a ladder putting out Christmas things, cleaning, and organizing as best I could. I was entertained though by the greatest love story ever.

He was obviously from Scotland, and she was obviously not. They told me they have six (yes, six!) children together, and seriously were so in love. I asked how they met, they gave one another a knowing sideways glance, and then he blurted out, “ON THE INTERNET!”

I clapped my hands and replied with, “THAT’S AWESOME! I’m a big internet geek, you know, I have a blog and all that jazz. I think that’s beautiful!” They were so excited I didn’t think they were freaks. They met six years ago, she had just gotten a divorce and he was widowed. She had four children, he had two. They let their children talk online to one another for about a year, while they got to know each other and then met at Disneyland with both their clans for two weeks!

“I was in love with her after the first day, it was perfect.” Totally melted. They ended up “dating” for about six months, with her clan flying out to Scotland to visit, and vice versa. “I realized in October that I couldn’t leave Scotland anymore, so we got married, and stayed for four years!” I was amazed, and I ended up hugging them both, and telling them that I think their love is beautiful, and that I am so happy they each found happiness. They promised to bring the entire clan in during the holidays for some hand prints, I promised to help them with anything they needed.

All in all it was a good day. After work, did a little shopping, got some new underwear! I could not resist, five pairs for $15. That’s amazing. And a girl can always use new underwear, especially cute ones with hearts and polka dots, and tiny little birdies!

Music feeds the soul.

I’ve been in a downloading mood lately, looking up new artists and finding new music. A few of my new favorites are “Come On Get Higher” by Matt Nathanson, “Boys With Girlfriends” by Meiko, and “Rainbow Veins” by Owl City. I’m a sucker for good lyrics.

But now, Internet friends, I need your help. I’m asking everyone to leave me a comment, with their favorite song and artist. And a reason why that’s your favorite song. I’m open to anything, metal to jazz, country to rap. Entertain me, I need some music to pack to.

History.

To say I was disappointed last night is the understatement of the year. The man I had put not only my personal hopes and dreams into, but the dreams of my country, had lost. I was devastated that a man I so believed in had failed, and more over I was angry at my country.

I was and still am frustrated, but Barack Obama is now my president, and I will support him 110%. He might not have been my first choice for this election, but I will stand proudly behind him because he now represents this country, which I love with all of my heart.

I have always been a patriotic person, and I agree with both Obama and McCain that our country should come first.  Despite our differences, this nation is in desperate need of a reconciliation between both parties. I have seen people turn on their neighbors and friends over this election, and that truly breaks my heart.

We as a country need to unite as one, and I think Mr. Obama put it more eloquently than I ever could in his acceptance speech last night:

“It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America.”

Amen. I really never thought I would be saying this, but go Obama! Make your country proud.

Good deeds.

Today was a beautiful day, and I feel like a beautiful person. The sun was shining, there was a gentle breeze, and birds were chirping. Dressed in basketball shorts, sweatshirt and running shoes I went out to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air.

About 35 minutes into my workout I ran past a house with an empty drive way, and a young girl sitting on the door step crying. I kept running, made a lap around the block, and went back. It was eating me up inside to think about this little girl all alone on her front step, I’ve been that little girl before.

I ran up to the door, and asked her what was wrong. She was locked out, and had no way to get ahold of her parents. I let her borrow my cell phone, and offered to hang out with her until her parents got home. She said, no, no, it’s fine. I couldn’t leave. I’ve never been able to leave children alone.

My past job was as an in-home tutor working with a 3rd and 4th grader. Their parents would tell me to leave after we finished homework, but I couldn’t. They sometimes wouldn’t get home until 10PM, leaving the kids to find dinner on their own and watch TV. I would stay, we’d make grilled cheese sandwiches and play board games. I always had homework, laundry, or whatever else to do but I could not allow myself to leave them. What if something happened? What if one of them got hurt?

The same feelings creeped back when I saw today’s little girl on her front step. I asked her her name, and asked her about her life. She looked a little apprehensive at first, but soon was spilling her heart out to me. The kids at school call her fat, and make fun of the way she dresses. She has a boyfriend, he’s chubby too. They’re going to the dance on Friday. She likes to draw, and wants to be a singer someday. She was amazing.

But, when she told me the kids at school call her fat, and make fun of her clothes, I felt like crying. I was that little girl. I was the loner, with a creative streak no one could hamper. I remember crying at night, loathing myself, wondering why I just couldn’t be like everyone else.

I’m not a stick, I know that, and I know I never will be. I’m lucky enough to have the resources to be healthy, to exercise, and to feel good about myself. I have never felt as beautiful as I do now. Sadly, I had to find that motivation on my own growing up. I do not want this amazing girl to go through the same thing that I did.

I waited around with her until her Mom came home, introduced myself, and offered to take her daughter jogging with me. I told her I will be moving in two weeks, but I would love for her daughter to join me for the next 14 days. Her Mom was ecstatic. “I try and try to motivate her, but I can’t do it.” I understood that, and I told her I would be happy to help.

Tomorrow will be our first jogging date. I told her she can bring her puppy, Samantha, if she would like to. If nothing else, I hope to lend this amazing girl an ear, and to be a friend. She seems to desperately need one.

Cutest cavewoman, ever.

I had a wonderful night last night. I have some things to do right now though before work, so here are a few pictures of Alison and I until later when I can do a full recap.

Apartment life?

I hate waking up in the mornings exhausted. Drank coffee, got dressed, went to school. Good news, my volleyball team won today! Which means, we didn’t get last place! Hooray for us! But, that also means volleyball is over for the semester. I will not say I was good at volleyball, just didn’t totally suck. Next is flag football and I have one thing to say: God help me.

Came home, dressed, ate delicious Chipotle and went apartment hunting. Alison tagged along, for moral support. I don’t think I’m going to be able to move out alone, it’s just too expensive and I don’t really feel safe living completely by myself yet. I’m waiting on a few calls, and a few talks before I totally make up my mind on my living situation for the next few months. If worse comes to worse I will move back home till next semester and just save some money up and then move out in the New Year.

Today was hard, but it’s getting easier. I honestly don’t know where Garrett and I stand right now, and I’m okay with that. I didn’t cry all afternoon and we got along great this evening. It’s a really weird situation and to I’m actually pretty sick of talking about it.

To get my mind off of things, I’ve decided to ask that everyone who reads this leave me a comment. I feel like reading some new blogs and maybe (hopefully) your lives don’t suck just as much as mine does right now.

The end.

After nearly four years of being in a relationship, Garrett and I have broken up. The past few days of my life have been both mentally and physically exhausting. I have lost seven pounds since last Sunday and my eyes are like little swollen cherry tomatoes. But- I’m doing okay.

Bottom line: we’re just too young. I still care about him as a person, but neither of us are ready to get married! buy a house! have some babies! It’s not the right time, or place. I need to get through school, no matter what it takes. I have two and a half years left, and I need to spend this time figuring out things I want in life.
We are still living together, and will be for the next few weeks. This really is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Today I cried making dinner, I cried in the grocery store, I cried on the phone, and even in the shower. I care about him as a person, and I want all the best for him. He has been my best friend for four years, and I truly and honestly want him to succeed, I just don’t think it’s going to work right now. We both have a lot of growing up to do, seperately, first.

Girl time

I was in desperate need of “girl time” this week and since Garrett was out of town last night for work, fun ensued. My best friend arrived at about 8PM for our much needed slumber party! After a quick trip to Trader Joe’s for night time snacks (soy ice cream? AMAZING!) it was time to let the words flow.

We sat and talked for hours. Well, more than talked. We held hands and cried, hugged and laughed and, of course, totally decoupaged (she’s a craft nerd too) until the early morning.

The amazing thing about Alison is she is never mean. I have never had to censor myself with her, and I could not be more thankful for that. I love and appreciate her more and more each day. She is amazing, and I want to publicly (she’s one of the few who knows about the site) thank her for being my friend.

And seriously, is she not absolutely gorgeous?

Tuesdays are my Mondays.

Granted I didn’t have to get up until 9:30AM today, I felt drained. Exhausted and emotional through and through. Some things have been going on in my life lately that have, excuse my french, really “knocked my dick in the dirt.” Two thousand and eight is not great. It actually has really, really sucked.

I know I whine a lot. I know that sometimes I’m overly sensitive and yes, I am aware of  the fact that I can be too controlling. But really, I try and pick my battles. I try and look for the positive in every day. Heck, even though I have been on the verge of tears all day, I will admit some positive things occured! For example, I talked to a strange man about the environment! And oil! And lime stone! And mantle!

But, it just keeps feeling like the bad things are out weighing the good. I know I have said it before, but damn. I can’t seem to catch a break. My mind is constantly racing, I have itchy legs, my hair is falling out, I can’t sleep. I feel like I’m in a big glass bubble, looking out at the world around me.

I’m having a hard time deciding what to do with my life right now. I’m reaching points that I have always strived for, and now I’m scared to jump. Like I said yesterday, I have always wanted to go away somewhere to school. I think I lost sight of that this year and it scares me.

I know a lot of people go through this stress at my age, I know a lot of this stress is normal. But I’m getting sick of it.

I have sat here for more than an hour staring at the screen, wondering what to write next. I know what I want to say, but it’s something I’m not ready to say. I still need time to think this all out, and figure out what I need and want to do. Instead of trying to solve everything at once, this is going to take baby steps.

Change of plans.

After a few emotionaly charged weeks, Garrett and I have decided not to move to Texas and also to wait a few more years before we tie the knot.

The reasons being I’ve decided to finish my schooling before we get married. I have always wanted to finish my B.A. before I was married, and I don’t feel like I should have to compromise something I’ve wanted for 20 years.

I’ve decided to go to San Francisco state next fall and major in Natural Sciences, and minor in Art. This is about the fifth time I have changed my major since being in school, so we will see how long it lasts.

Garrett wants to try and come to SanFran too and attend a musician’s school in the city, but if money is still tight he might go to Austin and try music there. I want him to do what he wants to do and I want to be able to do the things I’ve always wanted, I’m only going to have one chance at being 20 years old and a college student.